I have already written about the forthcoming departure to University of my beloved daughter. I am doing remarkably well with regard to not crying, or just watching her when she is unaware and going about her normal day to day-ness. She does not know how all consuming my feeling about this departure is. We laugh about how I might shed a little tear on Sunday when we say goodbye. I am ashamed that people say goodbye to children going to war, or into a hospital or God forbid into the ground....and I cannot compare my feeling with theirs....but the fact that this is a goodbye of sorts remains.....and grieves me....hurts my heart. She will probably never live at home again.
People have always said that we look alike. We are very close, and it occurred to me today that while she is still here, we share so much of our lives together..she makes me remember my teenage years....my early married life longing for a child.....my 'young mum' years.
I want to do it again.....go back and do it all again. Can't chase the past.....as fruitless as trying to knit with fog.....but I am so struggling with stepping into the future. I will just miss her so very very much....my heart, my baby, my beautiful child.