Wednesday, January 22, 2014

Disillusioned old bag who should move on? that would be me......

Today has been a long day.
For work purposes, on a training day, if you spend hours and hours in a room with people who have not been around as long as yourself it is very very wearying.
Yes I know I am old, yes I know I have been doing the job for far too long,
yes I know that I am yearning to retire.
I am tired.
I have heard it all before..the words sometimes change and may be in a different order
but 'stating the bleeding obvious' never alters.
I am good at my job.
That statement by the way is not me being is a recognised fact....and not just by me!
(Although I do blush to type it.....but this is my blog so I am allowing myself a small pat on the back).
Watching people have light bulb moments and feel enthusiastic used to be fun and entertaining...that person feeling motivated was me 30 years ago. It is not me now. So I keep quiet. I am worn down.
Worn down but never negligent, un-professional, uncaring, impolite or slapdash, I am able to hold my head high and acknowledge what I have learned over those years. Realistic is the term I prefer.
Experience often does count and I know that I can trust my judgement and am very, very rarely off kilter with regard to people ........I know the difference between shit and shinola  (film reference anyone?) .
So on days like today I keep quiet but oh how I have struggled ... and managed to not sigh in frustration everytime someone has said 'writ' instead of wrote and 'fink' instead of think..... AND YES I KNOW THAT IN THE LONG RUN IT MATTERS NOT, THAT ENGLISH IS A LIVING LANGUAGE ETC., BUT IT DRIVES ME UP THE WALL PEOPLE!!
It grates on my very last nerve.
I KNOW I am judgemental, unforgiving, old and not open minded..... I know.....but I am also bloody fed up.......

Written later.......
and now I can hear you all saying 'miserable old cow needs to get a life and not be so up herself'...........
but typing that was so cathartic.

Monday, January 13, 2014

Lets Gdansk.........Are you hearing the Bowie song in you head?..... sorry........

Our weekend in Gdansk was 3 nights/4 days and to be truthful that was a little too long.
Yes it was lovely to spend time with the mister and not be at work but in truth Gdansk is a
one trick pony for a tourist.......albeit that trick is, in parts, pretty and cheap and interesting....which is what we tend to go for on our 'why not?' city breaks.
We treated ourselves to a lovely car/driver combo from the airport to the hotel when we arrived and I always enjoy the journey in to a City from the airport as, apart from being glad that I am no longer on a plane (I am a nervous flyer) the sight of the outskirts of any City is usually very interesting and I'm always eager to see the countryside. As we approached our hotel the driver pointed across the water and said 'and there is the old town..' and it was quite obvious that the old town is a small area of the very ordinary eastern european inner town that has been presented as aged and historic after having been decimated in the what exists now is a new old town.  A pretty waterfront with plenty of places to eat and drink (and you get a lot of bang for your buck in Gdansk), helpful locals and mainly pedestrian areas.The old town is the main focus of tourism and the tall painted houses reminded me slightly of Amsterdam.
We had intended to climb the tower of St Mary's Church, as we think the City view would have been worthwhile, but sadly it was closed when we visited, although in the Church, the Astronomical clock and one of the most lifelike images of Jesus on the Cross we had ever seen (if he had opened his eyes it would not have surprised us) were worth seeing. Once you have ambled around the main 3 or 4 streets, each of which is lined with little stalls selling baltic amber, then there is really not a great deal to see. We did take the train to Sopot, further along the coast on one day, which is fun as using local trains and buses and going outside the touristy main town is a very good way to see the everyday normalness of a place. Our hotel receptionist was very friendly, but quite puzzled when we enquired about going to Sopot, and smilingly told us that there was nothing there to see apart from the pier, of which the locals are very proud. Sopot was quite small and seemed to be just one not too big main street leading to a long pier.
We went, we walked, it rained, we got wet....but it was funny and quite a lovely few hours.
The things that I really remember about Gdansk are how I loved to see all the mistletoe in the trees, the beautiful bronze lions, seeing the Shipyard solidarity memorial,  how really tasty and cheap all the food was, the friendliness of the people, all of whom spoke english, the many stalls of  amber, the amount of building work that is going on at the moment, and especially the scandinavian couple in the room next to ours who had very noisy sex all weekend fact the noises they were making were unbelievable and quite unusual...and started at 5am in the one point we wondered if we should call a paramedic or at least the zoo to see if they wanted the escaped animal that seemed to be with them....... seeing them down at breakfast in the morning was wonder they had enormous breakfasts....had to keep their strength up.
It seems as if the City is in the ' before stage' of a tourist influx.....they are starting to build and spruce themselves up. Would I suggest Gdansk as a weekend trip to anyone.... possibly night and day passing through would be enough I suspect, although if all you wanted to do was eat and drink for a few days, then there is lots of choice and Kubicki is a really smashing restaurant.

Thursday, January 9, 2014

All those in favour say 'Aye' (eye? I?...).........

It seems that some of you might like to hear more about ....
a) My Pa and his tales e.g. Hal Monty, working on the Mersey.
b) my recent trip to Gdansk
c) some other witterings of mine.

Any order of preference?

Tuesday, January 7, 2014

Lots of driving in one day..........

I awoke at 2am this morning and then couldn't get back to sleep.
My Pa was in the spare room and we had to get up really early in order to drive North for the funeral of my cousin.
Although we weren't leaving until 6.30 I was up at 5 and made Pa some breakfast and then just after 6 in pitch black wet windy weather we set off up the motorway.
Most of the time we were between huge lorries carrying all sorts of stuff all over the country.
I do find driving in the dark with bright lights ahead/behind and all around quite unpleasant sometimes and so I was concentrating hard on the road.
Along the way Pa related to me the same old stories he shares with anyone who will listen.
I cannot tell you how many times I have heard about Hal Monty or working on the Mersey or travelling around the UK by boat or The Moss Empire circuit of theatres or an anecdote about a family member.
Later on, in the crematorium, and although we were family, Pa chose to sit quite near the back as he had a tickly cough and didn't want to drive everybody mad with it.
It occurred to me that each  time I have been at a Crematorium, I have had the good fortune to not be sat up front and central if you know what I mean........where the bereaved and grieving and very close family are.
I have been sat in the 'every one else' seats...........and as I was sat there this morning with Pa I realised that we were sitting in what I now think of as 'the good seats'.

Thursday, January 2, 2014

Morning campers.....

Hi-ho Hi-ho it's off to work I go............
Trying to be cheerful about it but WTF.
Considering I started a little job of a weekend when I was 14 and I am now 59 then I think 45 years of BLOODY WORKING
is just about enough .....
I suspect spending New Years Eve with friends, many of whom (younger than me) have retired, has put me in grumpy old lard arse one more AAAAAARRRRRGGGGHHHHHHHH...........
There you go.....rant over.......normal service will be resumed et bloody cetera.......

In fact normal service is not that normal as I am really struggling of late to remember words.....please tell me that such behaviour is not unusual, as I am becoming a little alarmed now..........looking at scissors and knowing that they are scissors but somewhere in your head not being able to formulate the word scissors is quite unsettling........couldn't remember the word de-icer this morning either.

What a cheerful little start to 'posts of 2014' eh?

Tuesday, December 31, 2013

The last post.........of 2013......

I am extremely lucky to be able to report that 2013 has been an awfully good year for me.
No immediate family members died.
No one is in prison or hospital.
We all still have jobs.
There is a roof over our heads.
Water to drink and food to eat.
That is the important stuff....the way I remember to count my blessing each night.
When I get into bed and think 'best place in all the world'.
The year has thrown up challenges...but has also graced me with love, laughter and a bigger dress size...curse you mother nature...when will you let me find calorie free cake?
OK so now I am remembering each month....don't feel obliged to read any further..just skip to the end if you fancy..I won't be offended.
In January this year I saw Les Mis at the Christmas gift from my daughter is that in February next year she will take me to see it on the London stage....and I am looking forward to that immensely...time spent with my loved ones is truly special.
February was a truly splendid trip to Tallin with my mister, sister and brother in law. Such a good time...such memories.
March saw my son reach the grand old age of 28...he continues to be a source of great pride to me and the mister....hard working and kind.
April and May were punctuated by visits with family and friends and my daughters 22nd birthday...she is now a fully paid up member of the beautiful girl club.
In June my Ma was 21 again cough....
July held softly in its hands a very special graduation and the departure of my girl to London.......and at the end of the month a holiday in the sun with my sis and her family....memories were made.
August presented us with more birthdays and September ambled into an October that began with sadness...a funeral of an Aunt and a heart attack for my big sis....who luckily now seems to be quite stable on her medication...fingers crossed.
Late October and then November really made us dust off our weekend bags as we visited Warsaw, Cumbria and Gdansk with a weekend in early December in Copenhagen too....thank you cheap airlines.
Along the way there have been trips to the coast and visits to galleries and exhibitions and seeing friends and going to the cinema...attempts to pepper the daily grind of work with little treats each is a way that works for me...little rewards for continuing to get up and go to somewhere I hate but somewhere that funds our life.
Still reading?...then these pics will be a change for that I have taken through the year that I didn't post or that aren't that good........but reflect my year.

Health and happiness and contentment is what I wish for each and every one of you this New Year....may you know peace and love X

Monday, December 23, 2013

The slacker speaks......

I have not been blogging very well of late......although defining 'well' would be a difficult task.
I read blogs and don't comment on them.
I post only now and again.
It is the way of things just now with me regretably. does not mean that each and every day I don't happen
upon something, a situation or a notion or a comment or somesuch, that will
put me in mind of one of you.
Make me smile.
It is very easy to be really fond of blog friends (especially ones that I have
met in the real world now) as in most ways there is a shared 'suits both sides' relationship.
I present myself with care and judgement.... a blog buddy will only have access
to some of the real me ..... although I suspect we all read between the lines with
blogs and make up our own minds about the blogger...what we think they are like
in real life and how we think we would interact with them.
I like all my readers.
You are all good people.
I would like to blog at least until next Autumn when I will hit the 5yr mark.
Not a very ambitious goal in life but one that I have set myself never the less.

Away from the ether and in real life I am not always the nicest person in the world to my family, and the older I get I find that I am becoming a little more blunt about what I say.
This is unplanned and has surprised me although I do not regret what is happening,
as I feel that I have been holding my tongue for a long as not to rock any boats or
cause unhappiness.
It seems that I am giving myself licence to be me.
Scary times.
Yet this releasing of my inner thoughts and feelings is uncomfortably akin to being on a
fairground ride I have no control over....not knowing the twists and turns and speed and
how I will feel once it stops.....unsettling.
Also surprising for those around me...those I love......Mea Culpa.
I will harness all my thoughts and feelings and dare I say powers
and arrange them into an order that will enable me to function without setting me
adrift from those I love.

It is the day before Christmas Eve.
It is not yet 9am and I feel hugely emotional.
There is much to be done.
None of you need to be reading about the state of my mental health at the moment.....

So if you are then you must know I truly wish you a very Happy Christmas x