This was when I should have changed direction...........

At one point in my life I was living with my parents, I was young, had no commitments and although not University educated, was not without some direction or thought past what outfit to wear or hairstyle to try, but, had I decided upon a path to follow I suspect I would have trodden well.
My pa did not like me being rudderless and so one Friday I was informed that he had found me a job and I was starting work the following Monday. No ifs buts or maybes.
Monday morning came and I started work. A job. Not an opportunity that I grasped or the beginning of a career. A job. I paid no attention and just looked forward to the little brown envelope at the end of every week. An opportunity wasted. And I did it all by myself.
In the computer room (back when a computer was the size of a room) of a large factory.
I worked with these....

I am that old.

Not standing up to my Pa is something I regret....I should have moved out and given real thought to whatever it was I wanted to do with my life.
I do not blame him......he was, in his eyes, being helpful in finding me employment.
Yet I do remember feeling that I had relinquished any sense of finding my own way, I had given in to just doing what I was told.
With no fight or argument.
I had let myself down.


Kelloggs Ville said…
yup, my dad did exactly the same thing to me. Buck up and get a job. So I did, but I managed to steer a direction more by luck than judgement where I have ended up fairly well paid with a skill. But I wish I had got myself better educated and gone for a vocation. Something that didn't involve hours behind a desk. I wasted my opportunities too but that all said, I love my life - I wouldn't give it away readily.
Trish Burgess said…
Oh Libby, this makes me sad. I think we all wonder what paths we might have taken and I suppose you could have tried something different if you'd wanted to break out?

Weird old computery thing you've got there - yup, you must be older than me ;-)))
Andy said…
Ooh punched tapes, I remember those from my days as a spotty engineering apprentice. Yes, I'm that old too, dammit.
sensibilia said…
This is sad. I feel for you. I am of the same generation. We were all told we could be nurses, teachers or secretaries. That was it. No other choices. I told my teacher I wanted to be a marine biologist (a fantasy) and she told my mother at parents' evening that I would be far too feeble. I gave up the idea instantly.

Most of my contemporaries feel that they could have done more, but we are what we are. Most of us put family life and motherhood above our careers, and none regret that decision.

I do sometimes feel a failure, but mostly I feel blessed to be a mother and to still have the same partner of 35 years.

I know someone suggested earlier that you can go to university now, and I agree with that. My friend told me yesterday that there is someone in her tennis club who is in her 80's, and leaps around like a gazelle.

My advice is to forget the past, and use the time you have ahead and set some goals.
libby said…
I think I need to thank you all so much for commenting, but I am aware that maybe I also need to say that my post wasn't meant to be 'poor little me' was just a recollection and an acknowledgement of situations.
I suspect that, as all I ever really wanted to do in life was be a mom, then I have been fact I do thank my lucky stars/the universe/mother nature/mother mary every single day for my good fortune...I was just reflecting on our paths in life.
So thank you are good people!
It is a wonder to me that so many caring intelligent people,through blogging, share and express concerns, offer support and take time to comment....isn't that a marvellous thing?
Nota Bene said…
Well, it was different in those days wasn't it? You wouldn't do that today I guess. And if you have 'achieved' what you want then all is well
John Gray said…
That computer reminds me of the one terminal I used to work on in the nat West Bank way back in 1980.
It was the size of a piano
Steve said…
It's never too late to retrain. Never.
Curry Queen said…
A very reflective post, Libby. Much like Sensibilia, most girls at my school were asked which teacher training college they wanted to go to and that was the extent of the careers advice. I wanted to be a journalist but my parents absolutely forbade it and, in those days, you did as you were told!
Cro Magnon said…
Getting a job you don't enjoy is often a good kick in the backside. It makes us think of what we really want from life. My first job, after school, was on London's Stock Exchange; I soon realised it wasn't for me, and went off to college. Had I continued as a Stockbroker I would probably have ended up very wealthy, but I'd have missed out on so much.
Nana Go-Go said…
My Dad marched me up to the doors of the Trustee Savings Bank and shoved me into the job. On Pay Day, I had to hand the lot over because I was 'working for the household, not for myself'. That's the way it was then - University wasn't an option - not because I didn't have the brains but more because we didn't have the money to send me there, even with the grants available. After 6 months, the Bank asked me to leave because I was appalling at arithmetic (nothing but an adding machine to work out folks' interest in their passbooks, with lots of them earning a little more than they should have!).At this juncture, I fled the nest,got my own flat and signed on with the Civil Service where I was doing really well 'til I fell in love!Our parents give us roots the best way they know how but they also give us wings to fly wherever we want to go. Je n'regret rien and as Steve says,'it's never too late'.x
I don't think you had let yourself down at all. You just got on the work ladder like the rest of us. Very few people go out and fulfil their dreams, realising their full potential. That's an illusion. Reality is more about putting your back to the wheel and earning a crust. That is real nobility. Be proud of the journey you have taken.