Saturday, April 27, 2013

A dip into the past......

In the late 70's I used to live in Brighton.
In various student flats, and I can't remember the address of any of them now.
One was above a beautiful bakery I recall........
Anyhow, in early May, me and the mister are driving my Ma and Pa to stay with
my sister in Whitstable, and instead of coming home/going back, we decided we
would deposit Ma and Pa, and then have a Saturday trip to Brighton, staying over for one night.

When I lived there I was single, and in an unsettled state of mind.
Recently out of a relationship back home, and trying to escape from the dawning realisation that Ma and Pa had claimed me as the one child who was going to be what I think of as the Prodigal sons sister -staying at home - I had taken refuge by moving away from our Midlands town, and was living with my sister who was a student there, and I was not.
She very kindly accepted having her elder sister living with her, and we did have some fun times, but mostly
my memories of being there remind me that I was in the wrong place at the wrong time trying to live the wrong life.
My sister never lived at home again.
Neither did I, but I did return to the Midlands.
Brighton reminds me of old boyfriends.
Reminds me of music.
Of sitting on the beach alone with a book trying to look
mysterious and captivating....and failing.
Reminds me of how little confidence I had back then.
Reminds me of time spent being among a crowd but feeling alone.
Reminds me of opportunities that I never took, and roads I didn't travel.
Reminds me of wishes I made on moonlit nights.

I don't for one minute think that I will recognise most of the place now.
It is a curious feeling, knowing that this time around, I will be walking the pavements with the man
I love, that I married and had children with, when so many years before I had been in the same
streets either alone or with the boyfriend of the time.

Back then, my future was ahead of me, and now I know how my life worked out.
Sometimes a frightening thought and sometimes a comforting thought.

Still the sister to the Prodigal son.

11 comments:

Nota Bene said...

Brighton is much changed...I hope you like it now...the beach is still pebbly though!

Lady Mondegreen's Secret Garden said...

Oh Libby, isn't that strange when you look back at the You then and then the You now, who knows how it turned out (so far) which is quite a bit further than we thought to look as youngsters.

I've not been able to comment on quite a few of my favourite blogs. I'm hoping this brings me back in touch.

Cro Magnon said...

Brighton is my English home town. We still have a couple of houses there that friends live in. Great town (now city).

John Gray said...

A personal and rather moving piece there
Thankyou

Steve said...

It's amazing how places can trigger such strong emotional memories in us.

Nana Go-Go said...

Brighton didn't rock so much for you then, Libs. You turned out ok nevertheless!Have a good week.xxx

Yorkshire Pudding said...

This engaging post reminds us that being young isn't all a bed of roses. There are uncertainties, self-doubts, battles to be had in the quest to be happy. I see some of myself in your reflections...But when all is said and done, Brighton is a smashing town.

libby said...

NB,I'm not a great lover of beaches, but prefer to sit somewhere lovely with a seaview.
LMSG...welcome back, and as you say, so far so good.
Cro...perhaps in years gone by I was one of your tenants!
John...thank you.
Steve...I'm sure we are all a mess of emotions inside that we just batten down in order to do the day job.
Nana...very clever! well done...and yes so far so good.Have a good week yourself x
YP....'the quest to be happy'..yes indeed.

Trish Burgess said...

Ah the 'what ifs' we all wonder about from time to time.
Looking forward to hearing about the Brighton of now. Have never been.

About Last Weekend said...

"Back then, my future was ahead of me, and now I know how my life worked out.
Sometimes a frightening thought and sometimes a comforting thought."

That's an intriguing way of thinking about your life - I never really thought of it like that. Phrased like poetry.
I think I didn't grab a lot of opportunities that came my way and I do have loads of regrets....Still thinking I don't really know how my life might turn out but maybe I'm fooling myself...
Love Brighton, bet you didn't recognise it, it's been so gentrified.

libby said...

Trish...not too much time wasted on 'what ifs' really..cherish each day.

ALW..you surprise me....you seem like someone who takes most opportunities and doesn't regret much...and you are certainly no fool!

Thank you both for commenting.