I am throwing in the towel and making an appointment with my GP.
I am so reluctant to do this as I try to keep away if at all possible but I have promised the mister that I will go soon.....he has been valiant listening to me, rubbing in pain relief gel, and buying ibuprofen and paracetamol, but even he thinks that I need to see the doctor now....and as sympathetic as the mister is and always has been, it must be a pain in the backside having your wife constantly whining 'it huuuuuuurts......' with regard to another piece of her knackered old body causing aches and pains. That is the problem really.....that if I say out loud what the problem is I sound like a loony old biddy with hypochondria.......but 'it huuuuuuurts!'.
What worries me particularly is that I have never not had painkillers on an almost daily basis.........either strong ones for a migraine, or the habitually in my bag paracetamol and ibuprofen (along with a gel)......and for what you might be asking? ... well 20 odd years ago it was for RSI and tendonitis and problems with my shoulders.... treated with steroid injections which did the job, but regularly over the years there have been flareups where my hands hurt or my arm hurt and over recent months, I have had weeks of pain in my leg, and before that pain in my back, and before that in my arm.....as if some little group of pain cells is working its way around my body, setting up camp and then moving on after a week or so.....and I know I am not imagining it and I know that it bloody hurts and that I can't sleep and that I wish with all my heart I could have green spots all over me or a gash that could be seen so that it would be obvious that I am fed up of aching and feeling sluggish all the time . I am 57, and if God spares me, have a few more years to go yet (at least 8 of which will be at work) where I will continue to use a keyboard, and a pen and paper.....I have to pull myself together or get sorted in some way.
Once, and for a very short time I was on anti-depressants.....long ago in the horrible 'wanting to have a baby' years when it seemed that the whole world could get pregnant but me. And in the years between now and then there have been times when some sort of chemical alteration to my brain would have been a good thing......we have had our ups and downs.......but now......I can hand on heart say that, although I am by nature a worrier, I am happier than I have been for years....I have my family, and a job and a home and am not, as far as I am aware, depressed.............maybe I should try acupuncture or visiting an osteopath or something....or failing that just shut the fuck up? SIGH..........................