Tuesday, June 28, 2011

No words will do......

My best friend at work found out this weekend that her husband has been having an affair. Today she has looked like a woman who is just about at the end of her strength.
With alarming speed, since he only owned up to it at the weekend, and shared his plans for his new future, in
which she plays no part, she now has to sell her home, and start a single life.......
As I sat with her today and listened to her and in between gulping crying she was holding her stomach and saying 'I hurt here...I have a pain, a real proper pain that won't go...it hurts'...........I was at a loss as to what to say or do.
All I can offer her is someone she can talk to, a spare room here she can use whenever she wants for some peace, and a tissue for her tears.
 
What good practical advice can I give?
 

11 comments:

auntiegwen said...

Bugger

Sometimes your body gives you pain because you know what that pain is and you can recognise it as pain, the mental anguish is so much worse.

I would say don't agree to anything or sign anything

She needs a solicitor, one that specialises in divorce or family law. I think having someone with you at solicitors appointments is a good idea and I found the book "Divorce for dummies" helpful as it gave me some kind of idea what rights I had and what the procedures were.

It's a very long journey and you find out what you really are capable of and although you don't think you can ever be happy again, you do get to the day when you are

Steve said...

At the moment she's in shock. And that could last weeks or even come and go. She'll need someone to listen and who won't be afraid of her crying or of her anger. She'll need, perhaps, legal advice but a little later. Right now she needs to get through this first emotional explosion. Later, when she's ready, she may need proper counselling. As for advice for her..? Sheesh. It sounds a platitude but things will get better, life will get better again. But it will take time. A lot of time.

Kelloggsville said...

Practical advice probably isn't what she needs anyhow. An ear and a tissue are worth their weight in gold. x

Nana Go-Go said...

Just be there for her Libs....that will mean more than any words of advice...once she`s out of the fog (which won`t be anytime soon), she may have a longer term plan for herself but that`s a long time coming. She has to grieve,blame herself for EVERYTHING,cry a lot,get angry,cry some more....just be there for her.

About Last Weekend said...

That is unbelievably hard. Think Kellogsville has hit the nail on the head. sounds like she is in so much pain, a kind ear is what she needs...

Marcheline said...

There are two sides to this question.

On the personal side, you just be there for her when she needs to vent, and offering her a room to stay in is fantastic - there's nothing worse than feeling like you have no options.

On the hard edge of this thing, Auntie Gwen is right. She needs to get a lawyer ASAP. When you're all full of tears and disappointment, you make bad decisions. She needs some solid legal advice to make sure she doesn't end up with only a stomach ache to show for all of this.

Andy said...

Just do what your gut tells you Libby, I know that you have an innate sense of how to make people going through hugely traumatic experiences feel a million times better.

As for practical advice, well I really can't add anything...

libby said...

Thank you for your comments everyone. Today she is much the same, and I gently suggested that she needs to see a solicitor to protect her own interests......I didn't mention that I thought she should throw his stuff out into the road and rip up his beloved season ticket..perhaps its best to keep that thought to myself...

diney said...

Also, she shouldn't leave the matrimonial home until solicitors have been consulted as he could change the locks and play it difficult. Seriously. I have 3 friends going through this at present and it's important to listen and not condemn as they may reconcile.

Trish @ Mum's Gone to... said...

No wonder she has such pain - that really is a physical blow she is dealing with. There is plenty of good advice here for you to use to help guide your friend. I'm sure you'll be there for her but hopefully she has other friends and family to help too.

Curry Queen said...

It seems that everyone has said all the sensible stuff - and I agree with it all, especially all the "don't make any rushed decisions" stuff. My only other advice is to drink a bottle of gin and throw up all over his possessions.