As someone who likes (no..must be in control) I am a bit cross about memories. They just don't behave do they?. Why can we not just 're-run' our whole life in our head like a movie? Who is in charge of the editing..I would like to have a word.....
Mostly I do remember stuff, if we just ignore the normal mid-fifties memory loss type things that I am choosing to not dwell on. Timelines bewilder me though, as I trawl through events and people in my past and wonder what was when and who was where and who did what with whom...........and sometimes why.
I remember when the kids were little and we were en famille somewhere and having a good time, I would look at them and say 'remember this...this is good' and they would laugh at me, not surprisingly, but we all remember different things don't we? Even different versions of events. The mind is a curious thing. I find it comforting to look at family photos...to talk to relatives. My mother keeps asking me questions about people or places and when I say 'not sure...' she says 'you do remember..you do..' as if by straining or trying harder I can remember her memories and she mine. Of course, not everything should be remembered. Perhaps that is why there is a filter, but the baby goes out with the bathwater it seems to me...great swathes of time....memory is a purely random thing unless it is supported by objects, photos, music, interaction with people. I want to be in charge of my memory. I have no hope I suppose. I will, if I keep my marbles, remember some stuff and lose memory of other stuff...such is life.
Wearing the hood up on my school mackintosh and walking home in the rain and loving the feeling..looking out on the world from within a warm safe shelter.
My teeth chattering with terror when I was in labour with my first child....the fear overtook me.
My mom, all dressed up to go to a dinner dance, wearing a gorgeous black cocktil dress and holding her black suede high heels over the steam of a boiling kettle and brushing the marks from them.
Now that I think about it, I might start writing a few down every now and again, so that I can look at them and think 'ah yes....'
How is your memory?