So.....it's the first day of a new month...and over recent days I have howled at the big bright moon (yes..something me and my daughter do...started out as something that made us laugh when she was little and now seems to be a 'womanly' thing that we just do....) and helped my big sister buy a new bed (and why, when I persuaded her to lie on it with me did I feel the need to say 'she's my sister' to the weird salesman?) and decided that this year I will endeavour to......
a) visit my big brother in Seattle
b) have a weekend away with my sister (other one) possibly Paris??
c) try really hard to be the friend I should be....not the shite sub standard one that I am
d)get to more concerts/exhibitions/whatnots
e)not give a fuck about the job, which I have to keep, and just dream on about winning the lottery
f) remember that as my recent mammagram result was good I should just 'thank the Lord and pass the whiskey' every bloody day
g) organise something nice for my big sisters 60th and my moms 80th
h) eat less crap
i) try to get on with my neighbour to the right...even though she has a face like a smacked arse
and an attitude
j) try to improve my marriage and get on better with my husband ......times are tough at the moment and there is a foggy shadowy distance between us sometimes.....always of my making..he deserves better possibly
k) pay attention....to the people in my life and also that little voice inside me that guides me
l) stop being such a jealous person...I am really ashamed of myself for this.....I COVET big time.
m) mooch about in charity shops..yes...........buy so much in charity shops....no
n) try to stop worrying ALL THE TIME...as my friend pointed out to me, in every old photo I am the one with the biting my lip and frowning face
o) try to be more tolerant and patient
p) realise that sometimes OCD is not a good comforting meditative thing but just me being a nit picking pain in the arse ..... the world will not end if the zips on the cushions are all showing or the labels on the towels are facing me.....
q) hug more
s)clear this house of all the crap I have accumulated over the years .... HOARDING is just nonsense.
t) join a class?
u) rediscover the garden (literally....get stuck in and make it a good place to be)
v) accept that ..OK I have no career....I still have a mortgage...am embarrassed to meet old school friends and long lost family as I am a failure and a true example of mrs middle....middle aged , middle looking, middle ability to do anything and big ability to do fuck all well, but my family love me so I need to SHUT THE FUCK UP ....... SELF PITY IS SO VERY VERY UGLY
w) stop being so judgemental.
x) kiss my babies whenever I can.....babies no more but still my joy
y) learn from the blogs I read