As I fell asleep last night, I reflected on how lucky I was. It seemed to me that as Saturdays go this one had been ordinary but splendid. Firstly, I didn't have to get up and go to work, a good start to any day in my book, and after taking my time over breakfast and getting ready, me and the mister drove the 25 ish miles to visit ma and pa. Now this can be feast or famine, for I never know until arriving whether world war 3 has broken out and hostilities abound, making the visit sad and uncomfortable, and a chore to be gotten through, that leaves an unhappy mood lowering few days afterwards or if peace reigns and love and laughter are there waiting to be enjoyed. It has been this way for as long as I can remember, and I am now in the 55-60 tick box. As soon as pa opened the door (I do have a key but still feel it not quite right to just let myself in) my whole body relaxed as there was no atmosphere, thick as fog, emanating from the house. Mom shouted a cheery hello and all was well.
Later in the day I spoke to my daughter, and my sister, and my niece, and emailed my brother, and in the evening went out to dinner with my husband, my son and his partner and her parents.
In one way or another interacted with people in my life that I love.
One of the things we spoke of at dinner was karma.....does what goes around come around for everybody? If you focus on giving will you receive? are there more good souls out there than bad? do people get what they deserve in life?
All I know is that I am a negative person. A pessimist from birth I think. The glass is always half empty..the shoe is just waiting to drop....the worst will happen.......and as a result of this I have been scared all of my life...scared of just about everything.........which puzzles me....after all, I can thankfully say that me and mine are not in hospital, prison, or doing without a roof over our heads and food and water. So this ever present undercurrent of 'is this the day, the moment? is the bad thing going to happen now?' should not be a daily part of my life. And Saturday seemed to say to me as I drifted off....y'see all is well..relax...be positive .So I am going to give it a go....focus on good things...positivity...believe that things do and will work out.....and tentatively wait and see.
Typing this a little later than the rest of what I have written...initially worried that my words were self indulgent and that yet again I needed a kick up the backside. Truly though, this blog is not somewhere that I feel I should have to watch what I say or feel guilty about upsetting others....it is where I visit to just 'let the fizz out of the bottle' sometimes or put down a random thought or two......and so bearing that in mind and continuing to 'be happy don't worry' I am already planning a happier post for next time.....maybe a 'list' post.....or a 'photo' post....I like those!
9 comments:
That is precisely what a blog should be and you don't need anybody's permission to write exactly what you feel at any given time!
It`s no wonder you`re full of negative thougts and feelings of doom after living under that cloud for most of your life through no fault of your own (I know what I`m talking about, trust me)but give yourself a huge round of applause that your own little family don`t live like that thanks to you and hubby....you deserve it.... and you certainly don`t have to justify why you`re here....we`ll read you anyway, happy or otherwise.
We love you anyway xxxx write what you want to xxxx
Not self indulgent at all, except insofar as all blogs are by definition self-indulgent, since we assume that people will find us interesting. And like AG says, we like you as you are.
It's a privilege to share someone's thoughts.
I am so glad to have fallen into the blogging world...I would never have encountered such lovely people otherwise...thank you all.
Hey Libby!
Found you through the "in this life" blog. Actually, I thought your picture was so cute I just had to see what sort of blog was attached to it. So here I am.
This proves that you were right about being pessimistic... see, you try to be positive and already you have a lunatic reading your blog! 8-)
Looking forward (or, more accurately, backward) to reading your previous posts.
Cheers,
M
Welcome Marcheline..thanks for dropping by!
Just caught up with this. And agree with all the above, who put it beautifully. Write what you like! I personally always warm to people when I can see their soft underbelly - the odd vulnerable moment is what makes you so likeable. xx
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