Last night I went to the pictures with a friend to see a screening of Kenneth Branagh in The Entertainer from the Garrick Theatre. I had remembered seeing the film with Laurence Olivier many many years ago and enjoying it. Yet last night was a different experience. All day yesterday I felt below par, having woken in the night with a pain in my right lower back, and spent all day at work tired and drugged up with painkillers. One of those days when I could have just put my head on the desk and slept. Still....5pm came and after an early pizza express risotto and one glass of wine we took our seats. Perhaps it was the tiredness, or the fact that I couldn't see the faces of the players, or the language, or the way the players seemed to stand in strange places for no apparent reason, or the 'old now' feeling of this John Osborne play but we left at the interval! I've never done that before in my life...I was disappointed, tired, in pain, and let's face it just getting old! I would never have walked out in a theatre I don't think but as this was a screening I could only think of getting home.
This Saturday, Ma and Pa will have been married for 67 years. I chose not to say celebrate as in all honesty there is no celebration in that marriage. Earlier in the week we had been at the hospital for an appointment and I had to sit with Ma as she told someone how I was 'daddy's girl' and by implication not any use or ornament to her. I wanted to get up and walk away and never look back....but I didn't...I just smiled and then carried on. Later, I realised that my Ma is not now, nor never has been, someone that it is a pleasure to spend time with...and this awful thought made me want to canvass other opinions in case it was just me feeling that way after yet another trying day. Talking to other family members over the last few days though I am heartened to know I'm not the only one who feels this way. How sad.
In just over a week my Son and Daughter in law will become parents. We will meet our first grandchild. We are so very happy and excited about this.......will it be a boy or girl? who cares. My daughter in law had a 'baby shower' thrown for her the other week...my first experience of one ...and I was amazed at the generosity of her friends...so many lovely gifts. How kind people are.
This child will be loved and loved and loved and with any luck I will have lots of opportunities to walk with him/her, and read, and play, and cuddle and laugh, and revisit those happy days of having a baby in your life to hold.
So far October has been a much better month than September in a variety of ways....onwards and upwards hopefully and as next week I will be 62 I must try to shake myself out of this mood that is surrounding me... out of this 'feeling old' mood. A little while ago I had a fabulous weekend in London with my sister, nieces, and daughter (it was my first experience of renting an airbnb flat for the weekend and was a great success) and it was such fun.....although at one point I was apparently stood next to a very famous young man from a famous band and I didn't recognise him at all...he looked about 12 to me........
The state of the world and how frightening current situations are is very much on my mind these days, but I repeat the mantra 'focus on the good' each and every day and count my blessings.
We had four days in Wroclaw recently and as usual Poland didn't disappoint...blue skies, friendly people, cheap food and drink and interesting sights to see.
I have been reading lots of blogs, and loving dipping in and out of the stories and adventures of others. I do admire the dedication of certain bloggers, entertaining and posting everyday. I often think blogging is like having lots of penpals and receiving letters each and every day...how marvellous is that?