Friday, October 28, 2016

No flow or cohesion - just thoughts........

Last night I went to the pictures with a friend to see a screening of Kenneth Branagh in The Entertainer from the Garrick Theatre. I had remembered seeing the film with Laurence Olivier many many years ago and enjoying it. Yet last night was a different experience. All day yesterday I felt below par, having woken in the night with a pain in my right lower back, and spent all day at work tired and drugged up with painkillers. One of those days when I could have just put my head on the desk and slept. Still....5pm came and after an early pizza express risotto and one glass of wine we took our seats. Perhaps it was the tiredness, or the fact that I couldn't see the faces of the players, or the language, or the way the players seemed to stand in strange places for no apparent reason, or the 'old now' feeling of this John Osborne play but we left at the interval! I've never done that before in my life...I was disappointed, tired, in pain, and let's face it just getting old! I would never have walked out in a theatre I don't think but as this was a screening I could only think of getting home.

This Saturday, Ma and Pa will have been married for 67 years. I chose not to say celebrate as in all honesty there is no celebration in that marriage. Earlier in the week we had been at the hospital for an appointment and I had to sit with Ma as she told someone how I was 'daddy's girl' and by implication not any use or ornament to her. I wanted to get up and walk away and never look back....but I didn't...I just smiled and then carried on. Later, I realised that my Ma is not now, nor never has been, someone that it is a pleasure to spend time with...and this awful thought  made me want to canvass other opinions in case it was just me feeling that way after yet another trying day. Talking to other family members over the last few days though  I am heartened to know I'm not the only one who feels this way. How sad.

In just over a week my Son and Daughter in law will become parents. We will meet our first grandchild. We are so very happy and excited about this.......will it be a boy or girl? who cares. My daughter in law had a 'baby shower' thrown for her the other week...my first experience of one ...and I was amazed at the generosity of her friends...so many lovely gifts. How kind people are.
This child will be loved and loved and loved and with any luck I will have lots of opportunities to walk with him/her, and read, and play, and cuddle and laugh, and revisit those happy days of having a baby in your life to hold.

So far October has been a much better month than September in a variety of ways....onwards and upwards hopefully and as next week I will be 62 I must try to shake myself out of this mood that is surrounding me... out of this 'feeling old' mood. A little while ago I had a fabulous weekend in London with my sister, nieces, and daughter (it was my first experience of renting an airbnb flat for the weekend and was a great success) and  it was such fun.....although at one point I was apparently stood next to a very famous young man from a famous band and I didn't recognise him at all...he looked about 12 to me........

The state of the world and how frightening current situations are is very much on my mind these days, but I repeat the mantra 'focus on the good' each and every day and count my blessings.

We had four days in Wroclaw recently and as usual Poland didn't disappoint...blue skies, friendly people, cheap food and drink and interesting sights to see.

I have been reading lots of blogs, and loving dipping in and out of the stories and adventures of others. I do admire the dedication of certain bloggers, entertaining and posting everyday. I often think blogging is like having lots of penpals and receiving letters each and every day...how marvellous is that?

8 comments:

Cro Magnon said...

Reading about your cinema experience reminded me of a holiday I took, many years ago, to the beautiful island of Formentera. A fellow guest at the hotel decided after 2 days that he wanted to return home; and did.

To me the island was just about as perfect as one could imagine; to him it was dull and uninteresting.

I've not walked out on a film, or a show, and could never imagine myself doing so unless it was REALLY bad.

Nana Go-Go said...

I had a similar experience when I took my Ma out last week. I was exhausted when I got home. I'm trying to be kind and dutiful but it's getting harder each visit. I have two younger sisters who think popping in occasionally for a cuppa suffices but it's not enough anymore so I struggle on doing what I can with the time I have left over after everything else I have to do in a week. Such great news about your soon-to-be Grandchild. He/she will fill your days with such joy (and empty your purse on a regular basis!). Happy Birthday to you when it arrives. No wonder you felt depressed after the play. It sounds dreadful!!Good weekend to you Libs!xxx

libby said...

Cro..I think it was a mixture of feeling unwell and having a back pain and being really really tired.....and we did leave at the interval..I can't imagine just standing up and leaving mid show.

Nana....I sympathise with regard to your Ma...not always easy is it? I am very excited about the impending birth..just hope all goes well...have a good week x

sensibilia said...

So sorry to read of your experience, can really empathise with the walking out thing. Have done it, including one live theatre performance of "The Tempest". Left at least three films mid film, where no interval. Because either totally boring, or totally hated the story.

I started watching the 1943 film "For Whom The Bell Tolls" recorded recently from TV, a film and story I absolutely loved when I was in my late teens, and found it impossible to watch. SO SLOW, so heavy handed. Every emotion laid on with a trowel, as my old English teacher used to say.

Re old age. We've just been looking at options for holidays for next year, and they amount to the safest, staidest, no-fly options available. We are ok with it.

New grandchild! We live in hope. (Are streamlining the house, and chucking stuff out, in case in a few years time we "have" to move to be nearer any grandchildren that might appear!) Great news, and hope it all goes fabulously.

auntiegwen said...


You are a great mum and you will be an amazing nana xxxx speak soon

Mrs. Splapthing said...

This is yet another example of the lies we are told (by omission) while growing up.

1. If you get good grades in school, and make the right employment choices later, your life will be great. Prince Charming will come along, as well.

2. Family members are all fabulous people who we should all want to spend time with.

It's an eye-opener the first time you hear, as an adult, the facts about your family members that no one told you when you were little. It's a bit of a shock when you realize family can be just as horrible as anyone else.

libby said...

S..good for you for having the wherewithal to just leave..we were different people when we were young I suppose and our tastes have altered in later years.
AG...thank you my darling..x
Mrs S..sometimes times can be difficult with loved ones...and who knows what the future will bring..but I do try to find something each day to be glad about...and I usually do.

Trish Burgess said...

Thought I'd pop over to see what you're up to. Are you a grandma yet?

Years ago when I lived in London I took my parents to see The Entertainer in the West End. Peter Bowles played the main character. I thought it was awful then. The theatre was virtually empty and the whole experience was just awkward. I had no idea about the plot and assumed by the title that it would be funny - no google to look it up beforehand!!