Friday, October 28, 2016

Which one are you?....

Remember the Peter Gabriel song 'je sans frontier'?

Well today as usual I read some other blogs and then this tune was in my head...

Hans plays with Lotte, Lotte plays with Jane
Jane plays with Willi, Willi is happy again
Suki plays with Leo, Sacha plays with Britt
Adolf builts a bonfire, Enrico plays with it

No flow or cohesion - just thoughts........

Last night I went to the pictures with a friend to see a screening of Kenneth Branagh in The Entertainer from the Garrick Theatre. I had remembered seeing the film with Laurence Olivier many many years ago and enjoying it. Yet last night was a different experience. All day yesterday I felt below par, having woken in the night with a pain in my right lower back, and spent all day at work tired and drugged up with painkillers. One of those days when I could have just put my head on the desk and slept. Still....5pm came and after an early pizza express risotto and one glass of wine we took our seats. Perhaps it was the tiredness, or the fact that I couldn't see the faces of the players, or the language, or the way the players seemed to stand in strange places for no apparent reason, or the 'old now' feeling of this John Osborne play but we left at the interval! I've never done that before in my life...I was disappointed, tired, in pain, and let's face it just getting old! I would never have walked out in a theatre I don't think but as this was a screening I could only think of getting home.

This Saturday, Ma and Pa will have been married for 67 years. I chose not to say celebrate as in all honesty there is no celebration in that marriage. Earlier in the week we had been at the hospital for an appointment and I had to sit with Ma as she told someone how I was 'daddy's girl' and by implication not any use or ornament to her. I wanted to get up and walk away and never look back....but I didn't...I just smiled and then carried on. Later, I realised that my Ma is not now, nor never has been, someone that it is a pleasure to spend time with...and this awful thought  made me want to canvass other opinions in case it was just me feeling that way after yet another trying day. Talking to other family members over the last few days though  I am heartened to know I'm not the only one who feels this way. How sad.

In just over a week my Son and Daughter in law will become parents. We will meet our first grandchild. We are so very happy and excited about this.......will it be a boy or girl? who cares. My daughter in law had a 'baby shower' thrown for her the other first experience of one ...and I was amazed at the generosity of her many lovely gifts. How kind people are.
This child will be loved and loved and loved and with any luck I will have lots of opportunities to walk with him/her, and read, and play, and cuddle and laugh, and revisit those happy days of having a baby in your life to hold.

So far October has been a much better month than September in a variety of ways....onwards and upwards hopefully and as next week I will be 62 I must try to shake myself out of this mood that is surrounding me... out of this 'feeling old' mood. A little while ago I had a fabulous weekend in London with my sister, nieces, and daughter (it was my first experience of renting an airbnb flat for the weekend and was a great success) and  it was such fun.....although at one point I was apparently stood next to a very famous young man from a famous band and I didn't recognise him at all...he looked about 12 to me........

The state of the world and how frightening current situations are is very much on my mind these days, but I repeat the mantra 'focus on the good' each and every day and count my blessings.

We had four days in Wroclaw recently and as usual Poland didn't skies, friendly people, cheap food and drink and interesting sights to see.

I have been reading lots of blogs, and loving dipping in and out of the stories and adventures of others. I do admire the dedication of certain bloggers, entertaining and posting everyday. I often think blogging is like having lots of penpals and receiving letters each and every marvellous is that?

Monday, October 3, 2016

How do they know it's there?...

Have you noticed that more and more people seem to be putting their unwanted stuff out on the pavement or end of the drive now and it then disappears?.  After trying to make a start on clearing the garage out and even though we had taken stuff to the tip and to the charity shop, we still had an old hoover and two old lawnmowers and some old bits of this of that and an exercise thingy we had never used. So we put it out on the grass at the end of the drive, and sure enough, a few hours later a white van pulled up and two gentlemen loaded it up and took it away. Result for us and for them I suppose. Driving to work the other day I was sitting in traffic and noticed that someone had put some pots and pans and kitchenware out for collection, and truth be told it looked pretty good! one man's trash is another man's treasure they say, and maybe somebody will use the exercise thingy that just gathered dust when we had it. Good for them.

Marching orders.....

That is what the Moaning Minnie from the previous post can have.
Up and at'it is my attitude from today.

Here is a little something ....great song - rubbish video.....enjoy.....

Saturday, October 1, 2016

Each day a new start......

I am truly truly glad that September has ended. For all manner of reasons it has been the most
horrendous month and more than once I really wanted to have the number for the Samaritans if I could have been sure it would have been John from Going Gently on the other end of the line if and when I rang. His calm and caring no nonsense 'pull yourself together, onwards and upwards' would, I'm sure, have made a lot of difference during some very difficult times. Those times are not over just yet but every day the fog lifts a little and instead of folding, I think I may be able to not go under... I cannot, and would not like, to share the misery, but I have not been blogging and am very very slowly hoping that October will alter things to a great extent and so I have started reading and commenting again and want very much to have a 'space' that I can come to in order to engage with people that, through the magic of blogging, I have come to really like. That means you by the way. x


Just for now.