Wednesday, October 30, 2013

Never ignore the voice inside your head......

Last time I spoke to my 'big' sister on the 'phone she sounded just terrible.....she said she had a 'touch of flu or something'. I told her to get herself an appointment at the GP and I would drive over and take her there.
My sister, you may recall, is 63 and lives alone. She had not been eating or drinking as she felt unwell and when I saw her, my inner voice said, albeit quietly inside my head.... WTF.. Oh my goodness she is ILL...... and she looked just awful.....pale, funny colour, thin, and sad. 'I've got no energy and don't feel well....' is all she said. I got her to the GP, almost having to carry her there, and the doc said that she had a very high temperature and a raging chest infection.......we were to have some x-rays later in the week, return to the surgery a week later and she prescribed some anti-biotics and steroid tablets. I moved Sis in with Ma and Pa, as she was too ill to be alone, and I live an hour away, and all the while my inner voice was telling me to take her straight to the hospital. I am sorry to say I listened instead to the GP......we cared for her the best we could until a week later and upon taking her to the surgery the GP took one look at her and asked me if I had a car to take her straight to the Hospital. 
Which I should have bloody done in the first place if only I had listened to my inner voice.
My Sis is still in hospital over two weeks turns out she has a very weak heart and had probably had a heart attack weeks ago.
The first day there we spent 24 hrs in the 'resus' room where her heart rate was usually fluctuating between 170 and 190....which I think is not where it should be.............anyhoo....after time on a CCU she is now, as the doctor said 'between a rock and a hard place' as they try to stabilize her heart rate.....sometimes too slow and sometimes too set of tablets gave her an internal bleed and at the moment she isn't taking any anti-coagulants until they decide which is best for her.
Luckily my sister will hopefully be able to take a tablet that will help her but another set of problems is that she has 'aged' quite suddenly. She will not be able to live independently again and so will have to live in with Ma and Pa.....which is a whole other set of problems.......................................and forgive the self-centredness now but daily travels of an hour to the hospital - then Ma and Pa - then another hour home - have made me a little tired and worried and as they are both in ill health and worried about my sister, it has been a very anxious time for all of us........I haven't been at work and for the last 3 weeks have spent each day visiting the 3 of them and at one point I did feel I should just give up work (which at this point I really don't want to do...the finances are ok but would suffer if I didn't earn) and take care of the 3 of them.........I can certainly understand why in days gone by rich people had 'companions' or nurses that lived in and took care of them...................but as things seem to be getting better now and the last 3 weeks have been so very stressful, my sister came up from Kent to temporarily take over and my mister insisted that I needed a short sharp break to we have just had a quick weekend in you do........I now feel refreshed and ready to continue doing whatever I can ......on that day in the 'resus' room she looked so old and sad and ill and pathetic.....but each day now she looks little onwards and upwards........back to the hospital today and hopefully a 'discharge' date at some point later in the week for my sis........fingers crossed.

Sunday, October 13, 2013

Ok. So.

I have parked the worrying/tiresome stuff over there...................and it can sit in the comfortable corner behind me and wait.

I was thinking about you. You, reading this, now. Trying to decide who you would get on with, and have a laugh and a great evening with, if I had a party and you were all invited.
There were a few 'pairings' that made me smile....and I know who would be by the booze table.........

No, I'm not going to share my imaginings with you.....but it was a swelegant party and everyone had a really really good time.

Take a few moments to think about being somewhere lovely, with the music of your choice,  food and drink and good company.......and smile.

Tuesday, October 8, 2013


Powerless to hold back the tide.

The cirle of life is wonderful...of that there is no doubt.
Yet time just goes by - stealthily...silently.
Time is just ... here....and then gone.

Hospital with Pa for cataract operations.
Clinics with Ma for this and that.
GP yesterday and tomorrow with my big Sis.
Funeral of an Aunt today with Pa.

I feel old.
I want this merry-go-round to slow down.......and to have some merry to it.


Just for now.