Saturday, April 27, 2013

A dip into the past......

In the late 70's I used to live in Brighton.
In various student flats, and I can't remember the address of any of them now.
One was above a beautiful bakery I recall........
Anyhow, in early May, me and the mister are driving my Ma and Pa to stay with
my sister in Whitstable, and instead of coming home/going back, we decided we
would deposit Ma and Pa, and then have a Saturday trip to Brighton, staying over for one night.

When I lived there I was single, and in an unsettled state of mind.
Recently out of a relationship back home, and trying to escape from the dawning realisation that Ma and Pa had claimed me as the one child who was going to be what I think of as the Prodigal sons sister -staying at home - I had taken refuge by moving away from our Midlands town, and was living with my sister who was a student there, and I was not.
She very kindly accepted having her elder sister living with her, and we did have some fun times, but mostly
my memories of being there remind me that I was in the wrong place at the wrong time trying to live the wrong life.
My sister never lived at home again.
Neither did I, but I did return to the Midlands.
Brighton reminds me of old boyfriends.
Reminds me of music.
Of sitting on the beach alone with a book trying to look
mysterious and captivating....and failing.
Reminds me of how little confidence I had back then.
Reminds me of time spent being among a crowd but feeling alone.
Reminds me of opportunities that I never took, and roads I didn't travel.
Reminds me of wishes I made on moonlit nights.

I don't for one minute think that I will recognise most of the place now.
It is a curious feeling, knowing that this time around, I will be walking the pavements with the man
I love, that I married and had children with, when so many years before I had been in the same
streets either alone or with the boyfriend of the time.

Back then, my future was ahead of me, and now I know how my life worked out.
Sometimes a frightening thought and sometimes a comforting thought.

Still the sister to the Prodigal son.

Tuesday, April 23, 2013

Is that it?

Can I put my thermals away now?
I know I should be wearing less 'layer wise', but taking my
cardi off is always a bit risky for me.....I am a winter baby and I feel
the cold.
Already at work some rather 'devil may care' types are
wearing sandals/no tights/short sleeves/thin dresses.
The ladeeeez of course.
What the men wear out of the office is up to them.
I am still not convinced about the 'winter is gone' theory.
I am still wearing fleecy pyjamas as I type this
and did in fact just have a bowl of porridge to 'stoke me up' for the day.
Just saying the winter is over doesn't mean it truly is. Yet.
We shall see.........

Saturday, April 20, 2013

Subject to scrutiny....

At least when it was grey and dark and cold you couldn't see the layer of grime on the windows and the dust in corners of the house that didn't stand up to much inspection.

Monday, April 15, 2013

A change etc.,

I had my hair cut very short the other day.
Now I look just like my brother.
If my brother were to wear makeup.
Which I don't think he does.
I love the feeling of my hair being very short.
Shower....rub towel over head.....all dry!
Seeing women with lovely long locks does momentarily make me a little wistful.
But then I remember that I never had lovely long locks.
I had dishwater coloured hair that was thin and lank and never looked good.
A change.

Saturday, April 13, 2013

Safe journey...

My daughter has been home with us here on and off for the past 3 weeks.
It has been a house in a mess with a rapidly emptying fridge and rubbish on the tv constantly.
It has also been laughing and cuddling and sharing and being the 'us' of old and little girl......

'mom, where is?.......',
'Oh mom, look at this...'
'ooh are you making ( here, insert cake/a sandwich/dinner/opening a bottle of wine/a pot of tea)?..lovely'
'does this look good mom'
'Guess what...'
'Can I borrow your leggings?'
'Shall I make dinner? don't take anything out of the freezer/look in the cupboards/larder....lets just go and buy stuff now shall we?'

It has been coming in from work to find someone in the house, the lights and heating on and the smell of food cooking...heaven.

It has been the mister smiling when he sees his wife and daughter laughing and having a good time.
It has been the cats having more ' fuss-n-lovin' than usual.
It has been having both my children here at Sunday lunch.
It has been text books and written notes and study and dissertation tidying.
It has been tears over job applications and CV's and grad schemes and internships.......and assurances from me that it will all be OK...that she will get a job in London.....because she will. Patience and timing and luck and hardwork will win in the end.

All good things come to an end, and she has just driven off to return to University.
100 miles away.
She has never driven on a motorway before and so her Pa is with her and then he will drive
her car home....because that is what Dads do. Sit with you on your first scary long journey.

I am happy she is happy.
I am sad that she is not here.
I do not want her here in reality...she needs to be off living her life....but the hugging and waving
good bye bit always makes me sad.........

Safe travels sweetpea....journey well and enjoy all there is to see along the way..X

Wednesday, April 3, 2013

Things I know.......

Elderly parents are a blessing and a curse.
I can be placed into a social class. I know my place.
Physiotherapists can 'adjust your kneecap' to make you feel better and you will then experience days of pain.
Dust will find any little place in your home to settle in to.
Not worrying about removing it is something I am learning to do.
All work and no play makes 'Jane' a dull girl.
It also makes Jack a grumpy boy.
A box of maltesers and a glass of low alcohol wine does not constitute dinner.
Having a new boiler makes your radiators feel warmer but generally your house is still coldish and the weather outside is so cold and horrible I am praying for a good summer....I need some sun.
'Breaking Bad' is a pretty good series to watch if you like to watch the tv every night...which I do.
If a visit to your folks brings you down so emotionally you feel very low, an unexpected lunch
somewhere with your beautiful daughter can make you feel much better.
Worrying about your beautiful daughter finding work in London as a graduate serves
no useful purpose.
What will be will be. I have no control.
Seeing your son being rewarded with a long overdue promotion is really good.
A friend who has had cancer in the past who tells you her hair is now falling out in handfuls
for no apparent reason, causes you to think how beautiful she looks when she is smiley
and cheerful, (which she is) and reminds you to not moan about your own greying locks....and hope that she is well.
Making a pear and ginger upside down cake divides opinion....more pear? more sponge? more ginger? more please?
Migraines piss me off....and I've had two quite recently.
Trying to choose new specs on your own is very hard.....especially if you have a face
that doesn't seem to suit anything on offer in the buy one get one free range.....yet
using the pound shop for 'spare pairs' is not really clever.
Whatever other people think, there is a little part of me that thinks certain people should never be allowed to have children.
Having a cup of tea every morning is a necessity ensures the day starts well, even if it goes to hell after that.
It would be useful for me to have a go-to phrase that I could use when I want to say to a blogger 'yes I did just read your post, and I would like to acknowledge that I have read it and I would like to say something but...I have to go out/am not sure what I want to say/can't be arsed/only have time for reading not replying at the moment/good work/I agree/you lucky so and so/more pictures please'.
Welfare Reform is a necessary tool for change.
Cat hair in other peoples houses used to freak me I have two cats and I am that woman.....and I hate it.
Boots own bonjela does not do the have to just buy the proper works.
I have been a bit lax on the 'being a good friend' front.
I will do better.
I think of bloggers as friends.
Have a 'through the ether hug' x

Must work out the heating........

I left for work at 7.50 this morning - no heating on - left work at 5.15 and then went to choir - so have just come in and the house is COLD...