Sunday, July 31, 2011

End of the month....little rambling bits and pieces.....

The little things.......the sometimes ignored and not always appreciated times....they all add up to life being not too shabby really don't they?

Little things like.....

Having lunch with the mister and ma and pa today, at a wetherspoons (who would have guessed it..) I hate wetherspoons and their food...but I focussed on pa telling his oft heard jokes and ma really enjoying her 'ping' food and told myself that some day (hopefully a long way into the future) I will wish I could be with them in a wetherspoons I enjoyed it today.

The mister sanding and waxing the floors and the resulting light wood lifting the gloom in the hall is pretty cool.

 Buying this lovely leather bag in a charity shop, which had obviously been in the sun for a long time somewhere and was various shades of faded yellow/white and only some of the original tan colour. A slight accident with the bag and a cup of milkless roobios tea.......turned out to be the best accident ever as it gave me an idea.....cut to me sitting in the garden wiping tea all over the bag and then taadaah....back to tan.

This month saw my 29th wedding anniversary. The mister and me. Still together after ups and downs and changes that caused sleepless nights and headaches. Still here, him cooking me bacon sandwiches, me trying to get him to wear suncream on his 'whisper it' small bald spot.
Yesterday we enjoyed a day together that included cricket on the tv and radio for him, charity shopping for me, and gorgeous and reduced (how thrifty) dinner from Waitrose in the early evening after an afternoon of garden pottering, crochet, reading, crosswords, clean beds, and pottering about like real, dues paid, official members of the old fogies club, and do you know what? it was one of the loveliest days we have had for ages.

The sun shone, which was wonderful, grey weather is a bit monotonous and boring after a while..and the blue sky and warm air truly does make you feel better.

Work was done for the week, and the kids are off leading their lives, the cats are fed, the house is tidy, and we had no commitments, or time restraints....just a day to ourselves.

Realising that worrying about money is inevitable but pointless, and that each and every moment should be savoured....truly health is wealth.

Without getting all Patience (Constance?) Strong.......gosh that ages me does'nt it?
I am trying to take time to stand and breathe and think.............I suspect a friend is 'off' me at the moment and that does trouble me, but as I don't know why, I will leave the rhythm of our friendship to recalibrate itself naturally and hope for the best. 

I am looking back at July and giving thanks......good times presented themselves this month with London nudging at my heart reminding me that it wasn't all bad, when I visited my old friend with my old friend, and at the coast me and the mister spent time with loved ones......walks on the beach, glasses of fizz, watching films together snuggled up on big couches with tea and pudding.
Laughing together and enjoying being family.

This month has been kind to us. We have not had to visit hospitals. Sell the house or the kids.

I am aware that this kind of post is not entertaining, or a people-pleaser sort of post, and I have written similar before........but the reason for the repetition is purely selfish......... I need to constantly tell myself  to focus on the good and be thankful, to list my blessings and to appreciate days that are free of anxiety.

As I have said before 'I am afeared o'the Fates'.... and so will only allow myself this one little feeling of peace and contentment as I look back and thank the Universe/mother nature/whoever/whatever.......July is not over yet, but so far has been pretty darn good......I shall step tentatively into August with fingers crossed and hopes for another, unexceptional, yet really rather good month for me and mine.......and I wish the same for you and yours.

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Up to that there London.......excuse the fuzzy picture........

The House of Rufus. The Royal Opera House. Some drinking, eating, walking, and generally being a tourist.
That man is blessed with an amazing voice. With a sister who unexpectedly joined him on stage last night and sang Stormy Weather. What a bonus.....Rufus and Martha together. I loved London this time.....sometimes I don't....sometimes it seems full and frantic and uncaring and ugly......but not this time....the sun shone, the streets weren't too busy and the glasses of fizz took the sharp corners off my thinking.....

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Relax, breathe, etc., etc.,.. look away now if you don't swear.....I need to let the fizz out of the bottle...

We have been told at work that we must have fun tomorrow. It is an instruction. Normal work will not cease mind you. The fun has to be fitted in where it can. The idle fuckers who do fuck all each and every day and sit around using the internet and making personal calls and talking and ignoring people they should be helping are leaving the work to just a few of us and after meetings and laughter came up with this wondrous announcement.
I am so beyond angry and I am despairing of ever being free from this shitty job. 
I do not use the internet at work...I am not derelict in any way in my duties...I continue to be efficient and busy and endeavour always to get what needs to be done done ...I answer every question/phone ... I do not fiddle anything.....I do not cut corners because it makes things easy...I do not mis-file information because 'who's funny'...... I do things PROPERLY because that is how IT SHOULD BE DONE and  I always have, and us old timers are  like hamsters on wheels working away keeping the place operational , seeming I am sure to be like sad old biddies left over from the olden days, and having to carry people who I seriously believe are educationally if not mentally deficient..........WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE........ I believe I get paid to work and I behave in a polite and professional and helpful way and I don't give a flying fuck if you are reading this and thinking that I should shut up and not be such a boring goody two shoes and JOIN THE PARTY......I'm paying for the fucking party...I am not employed by a large bank and I am not an MP  so I need to legitimately earn my tuppence and a toffee, and I know nobody likes a whiner but for fucks sake.... I have bitten my tongue and just ploughed on working as I just cannot do the 'if you can't beat them join them' thing and as people need help, and the work has to be done... I hoped that my colleagues would get a grip and help out with the  fucking naive! and I will never think it is ok for someone who is lazy and rude and thinks that saying 'the letter I writ' and 'be pacific' and cannot spell or file or speak to people pleasantly should  get away with being idle because they are so far up the bosses backsides you can only see the bosses smiling gurning face and the ares lickers shoes............actually I do need to be pacific (not specific, which is what the idiot meant) and remain calm.....otherwise something is going out of the office window tomorrow.......and it could be them, me or a computer..........along with what they decided the  FUN  tomorrow would be.......A BASTARD BAKED POTATO. They can shove that particular vegetable right up their arse..............

Saturday, July 9, 2011

Marooned.....and tinkering..........can you tell?....

I am marooned, locked in, with provisions and instructions to stay put. Not exactly a chore is it?
So after reading lots of blogs I have tinkered with mine. Only I am not sure what I have done and think I preferred it before. It is not easy on the eye and the colours and shapes and sizes are not right...will tinker some more...wish me luck.

Remember my favourite chair in the spare room?
 well I am sitting in it now, in my nightie, with a bowl of shredded wheat, some toast and that fancypants expensive honey that my sister got me into, a cup of tea and my laptop.
The cat was here,
stretched out in the sun, but as soon as the noise started he scarpered.

Ah yes the noise. Coming in from work yesterday I found that the mister is using a sander on our floors....upstairs and down. He started yesterday and I am a bit startled because at the moment there is a faint whiff of burning.
All windows are open and all doors are closed.
Did I mention the dust? no? that fine fine dust that is in every little place where you would think it would be impossible for anything to be.....there will need to be some pretty darn good dusting and cleaning going on in these here parts over the next few weeks I imagine............and guess who might have to do it?
There has also been the installation of a toilet seat that 'closes slowly and quietly'. Only when I just sat on it my left upper thigh was painfully gripped by a split in the wood that made me yelp......only the mister couldn't hear me because of the sanding.


He has now promised to take it off and return our good old fashioned normal lavatory seat.
The floors are looking good though.

Friday, July 1, 2011

What we are.....

Likely to make not quite good enough sometimes..most times..........struggle with the large and small things in life......try hard sometimes.....not give a fuck at scared and excited and happy and sad and fearful and confident and tired and cautious. Hate and detest and burn with fury and simmer with envy and greed.....Love and like and smile. Fall into moods of enveloping spite and anger. Feel lifted with love and gratitude and happiness that breaks out of us in waves of loving the world and everyone in it
Forgiving and  open to starting again. Hopeful.
Thankful almost everyday.....and cross at ourselves at the end of days when we have been ungrateful. Curious and enquiring and yet glad to put our fingers in our ears and say 'lalalalalalalalal' can't hear you' at other times. Strange beasts of creativity and wonder and awe. Idle and apathetic. Packed to the rafters with contradiction.
We only get one go at being who we are. From this vantage point the road behind is littered with 'why this/that/them/those choices/that person/that emotion/that road travelled..'.....
Glorious and fascinating with flaws and souls that can soar. Wanting to herd together and yet craving space and freedom. Ordinary, and finding comfort in the ordinary, yet yearning for the extraordinary.

Is this what we are?

Every day above ground is good...every hour should be savoured....good or


Just for now.