Friday, May 27, 2011

Another one rolls around.....Amen.....

Already counting down the hours until 5. Not even dressed yet. Long weekend ahead. Birthday for the mister. With a bit of luck and a wind from the west will take ma and pa out to lunch at some point..hopefully.
Friday........just gotta love it.

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Out with the old......

Will these be replaced by jeans and polos? a uniform? or used again?
Today is the end of one chapter and the beginning of another.....maybe seeing into the future is not such a great thing, maybe concentrating on life a day at a time is the way to go.
Love you mister x.

Monday, May 23, 2011

much better activity....

Steve is right...the floors can wait...doing something much more fun !  I am wallowing in nostalgia .....seeing the past in glorious technicolour whilst loading vhs home movie tapes onto dvd!! Lots of aaaaaahhh and ooooh and 'where did my babies (and my slim figure..) go??'
Catch you later.....probably teary eyed!

on my mind....just this and that....

The potatoes in pots experiment is coming on apace......they are looking like triffids now and I suspect that there is not enough room in the tubs, should I maybe transfer them into the ground? mmmm....the last transplanting I did was to move a bay tree from a small tub to a bigger looks very dead now....very brown and crinkly...I feel very guilty.
I have to go to the dentist today. I do not like going to the dentist. I think I need a filling. I shall answer that everything is ok if they ask me about any problems though. I am a big wuss.
I have been 'saving for best' a lovely dress that I bought in a charity shop last year........sadly I haven't needed to use it yet...I tried it on yesterday and the bloody thing is too tight around my ever increasing belly/arse/hips.....darn.  My mother suggested I try to lose the weight. Keep the dress and get into it at some point. I don't think I have the dedication to do this. Moral? don't keep things for best......
My daughter has exams this week.....good luck sweetheart.
My husband has a birthday this coming weekend....he needs cheering up a bit.......does Annie Lennox do house calls?
I would like to try to do a photo mosaic......might investigate that.........
The kitchen and bathroom floors really do need to be cleaned today.....
Other stuff is rattling around in my brain too......maybe a good long bike ride will clear out some fog in there....although it is really really windy ....... see I have no dedication..........don't ever have me in your lifeboat........I like to think I could do a 'Molly Brown' and keep up everyones spirits but I suspect I might be one of the first overboard after someone else has slapped me for whimpering 'we're all going to die..'....
This is a very strange post..why am I just wittering away and tap tap tapping? 'cos it's keeping me from washing the floors........

Friday, May 20, 2011

Never again......

Why oh why, every once in a while, am I tempted by my family to think that going to the pictures will be fun? On a Friday night, at a large cine complex, packed to the rafters with noisy yobby misfits? was never going to go well.
Yes, before I am shouted at by any passing reader, I am well aware that me and the mister and our son and dil were also there but...purleese...some of the cinemagoers there tonight were ...well.....I do struggle for words to describe them.....
From the outset, I was only going to please my family....they all love horror, and wanted to see 'Insidious'...not a genre of film I really like, but I wanted to join in and show willing so off we went.
The film was not great, and owes a big debt to Poltergeist, although once or twice the 'coming up any minute, get ready, we are signposting it.....THERE you go...the scary bit' did cause an oooh or an aah from us.....but on the whole I was stifling yawns and paying more attention to the furniture (how old does that make me now? let me guess...PENSIONER old..) in that I found myself thinking 'that lamp is nice...maybe they should move the chair to another spot in the room...lovely floor..' so I wasn't really engaged with the film.
And the whole time I am conscious that my husband is teetering on the edge of causing mayhem in the place by wanting to stand up and shout 'shut the fuck up!!' at the constant talkers. Ho Hum.......truly am in grumpy old lady territory now eh?
I like my film viewing at home on hookey dvds with my feet up and my comfy clothes on and no coughing or shouting or idiot strangers shouting out to ruin the experience..........
Anti social? well maybe I a PROBLEM WITH THAT??????? .....see, behaviour breeds behaviour.

Thursday, May 19, 2011

It's all ME ME ME isn't it......

Betty at  (is that link right? looks awfully long or something...hmm) has suggested that I share 10 things about myself with anyone who is passing and then pass it on, so take it yourself .... go on... do something you wouldn't normally do........ for me.....

Don't bite my nails.

Have never truly trusted anyone in my entire life.....there is always a small quiet voice in my brain saying 'ah but would they push you under a bus to save their own skin?'.........maybe not the mister....ok...he probably would save me...I think....and the fact that I think this of others probably says way too much about me.

Always wanted to have about 4 or 5 children, and every day without fail, am grateful for the two I do have.

Would rather poke my eyes out with a stick than watch Mamma Mia.....and yet strangely I love musicals.

Passed my 11+.

Failed maths 'o' level twice.......still struggle with stats and such but find numbers to be quite beautiful....I have to count from 9 down to 1 and not the other way around (did I mention I was demented...) in sudoku.

Wish I could play the piano.

Regret giving up languages at school.......hardly even speak English well any more but am fluent in gibberish.

Secretly want a boob job.

Am the 'cankle' queen....see photo below.

Enjoy driving,  quite quickly now and again.....but never in town.....the best roads are those really long country ones with no corners or hidden anything.....long flat easy to see for miles expanses of road......

Am still waiting to see if I will be called for Jury service.....I imagine it would be interesting even though everybody says how teeeeeedious it is....all hanging around and being bored..still waiting though.

That's not 10 is it? see I told you I was crap at maths........
and here is evidence of aforementioned cankles...

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

I feel like a millionaire.....

My charity shop bargains.........50p each.
I feel so rich in a charity shop, I could buy lots and lots of always tempted to shout 'drinks all round!' but I think people would misunderstand.....
My charity shop habit is a healthily flowing river though....I take stuff in, I buy stuff out........
recycled stuff or as I prefer to call it 'pre loved' is always interesting the 2nd time around....don't you think?

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

sobbing luddite? moi?.......

As I may have mentioned before I am afeared of technology.
 I do the best I can though, and ironically write down all operating instructions on paper in a book using a pencil....sigh.
I am sitting here having just dried my eyes because I have been crying with frustration at not being able to skype my daughter. All day at work I have looked forward to being very 21st century and skyping away with a smile. Not gonna happen.....
I have before me the very specific written down  instructions, password etc., and have followed them all to a letter......but it keeps telling me that my log in details are not recognised... I have tried every manner of configuration all to no I try to set up a new password, which they assure me they will email to me and nothing has happened............... my daughter did just telephone so that was great and she is off out now so there will be no skyping for me........but I feel so foolish and OLD.
Last time we skyped my brother I think she logged in with her details so that might explain it, but at this point it doesn't matter...........WTF is wrong with me?
Driving to ma and pa's yesterday I had to stop the car and pull over into a layby and ring the mister just to ask him why I was crying?!?!  (Oh thats a good one to ask your husband when he is at work...trying to speak quietly to a wife who is obviously having a moment....) I am SO past menopausal and yet feeling tearful seems to be my default setting these last few weeks.
Rationally I know that I can tick off on my hands all the things in life that are causing stress at the moment but so can everybody else who is functioning without welling up all the time....I need to get a grip.

Have blown my nose now and am going to go and get a glass of wine.....or a cup of least find some chocolate somewhere.......
this is the remains of birthday cake.......

thanks for listening.........

Absent only in body....

My beautiful daughter is 20 today.
My youngest child, no longer a teenager.
For the first time in her life she is not here with us on her birthday.
We had her here at the weekend, so presents and cake and kisses, all birthday 'stuff' was undertaken then.
Now, University, exams, friends, May Balls, gigs, having a great time....all her recent and current pleasures....she is leading a life she loves and for that I am hugely thankful.

20? there must be a great big rip in the universal time scale somewhere because I don't remember those years........I remember holding her, feeding her, bathing her, reading stories......brushing her hair.....and snuggling up together to talk about what school had been like that day..............

I love her with every fibre of my being. My girl. My beautiful girl.
Happy birthday sweetpea.

Monday, May 9, 2011

Special day...

My Pa is 83 today.
He still seems to have all his marbles.
Is slightly deaf, especially when listening to my Ma.
Loves chocolate, crosswords, Nat King Cole and Frank Sinatra.
Still telling the same jokes.
Is a clever man who underachieved. Only ever had jobs, never a career.
Visits the bookies everyday, and states 'I had some bad luck yesterday..'.
Slips me a fiver now and again and says 'don't tell your mother..'
My mother says 'If he gives you any money then take it...otherwise the bookies will have it...'
Has never eaten an avocado, or as far as I know strayed too far from meat and two veg with white bread and a mug of tea. With evap.
Although I know he has tales from his youth, pre mom, that I would love to hear, he is a quiet chap who is happy in his own company.
Wipes his mouth on the tea towel, which drives us all mad.
Has a very quick and bad temper, but over the years has mellowed and seems now to be more accepting of life and its irritations and has learned to shrug and stay calm.
Hates getting older but insists that getting older is 'better than the alternative..'
Discovered gardening late in life (and many years of ma nagging him) and keeps a neat, if rather too uniform, garden. His line of single daffodils evenly spaced along the fence, pleases him greatly and puzzles the rest of us......a more natural flower arrangement would look messy to him.
Wears a cap when he leaves the house.
Used to drink. A lot. Would sing. Then sleep.
Can be impulsive.
Would like to travel to Seattle to see my brother and visit his great grandchildren, but my ma won't travel and he won't leave ma.
Has large hands. Is tall. Can look very smart to go out but can wear the same shabby cardigan for days at home. Needs to be reminded to shower more than a couple of times a week.
Loves his children and grandchildren and great grandchildren and smiles so when he mentions them.
Thinks the price of things these days is shocking. Looks a bit uncomfortable if we suggest eating out anywhere other than a wetherspoons.
Many many many years ago he stood as a Labour candidate in a staunchly Conservative ward....lost by a very small margin.
Worked all over the UK as a young man in theatres, behind the scenes, wardrobe, lighting, scenery, running and dresser to Beryl Reid and straight guy for Hal Monty.
Holds his hands together behind his back when walking, and is happy by the sea.
Loves my Ma.........although the feeling is not mutual.
Currently has a chest infection and is a bit slower on his feet these days.
For many years when we were small, on his birthday we would give him cigarettes, socks and a biro.....don't know why, it just became a sort of family joke.
He gave up smoking 25 years ago, and now hardly ever drinks. Never drank at home and never drank shorts. Beer was his drink of choice.
Loves words, and spelling them out to me, showing me how clever he is.
Sticks his chin out when thinking.

Is my dad.

Happy birthday pa....x

Saturday, May 7, 2011


I like the rain.
In it or sheltering from it, either way.
When I was about 7 or 8 I would assemble myself a little den outside the back door of my parents house. The den was technically under cover as it was between the kitchen and an outside loo, but there was no door to the garden and so it had that outside/inside feeling. The air felt different. A concrete floor, 3 doors, one to the kitchen, one to the loo, and one to the shed/store. Not a big area, it was where the wellingtons or old shoes were kept, and a vegetable rack and a peg bag up on a hook on the wall. There was just enough room for me to have a chair, which was usually a stripy old fashioned deckchair from the shed, and then arrange a blanket over my legs and sit and look at the a pensioner.....not a young child.  While sitting there I remember feeling safe and calm and comfortable, because I had everything I felt I needed at that point. I knew where everyone was, and although I wasn't in the house, I could go back into the house whenever I wanted to. To my right was the kitchen, and I could hear if someone was in there, or if someone was making something to eat, as you could hear the gas oven, with the door open to warm the room, blasting away. To my left was the loo, always useful, especially to me, as I seemed to need to go more often than a lot of my friends. In front of me was the garden....the and, at that point, somewhat wild.
I remember eating a bread roll and drinking some milk out there, but not reading or colouring or much else.
Just sitting. Looking at the garden. Warm, dry, but feeling the breeze on my face and the rain in the air. Sticking out my feet so that they were just within range of the rain on the concrete and thinking that I had a choice..move them one more inch and they would get wet. Pulling my feet back in and snuggling into the deckchair.
At about the same time I would truant from school.
Our junior school was in village about half an hours walk away. I would leave for the walk to school in the morning and then hang around and return after everybody was out.
I went through a time of worrying that the house would burn down if I left it. I dreamt over and over that I walked up the road to see a smouldering ruin and gap where my house had been.
It seemed perfectly reasonable to me that if I returned home and guarded the house all day, then it would be safe. I would be safe. So I would sit, either in my den space, or in the front room for most of the day, and just, well, guard. Nothing else. No tv or reading. Perhaps just walk about making sure everything was there, touching the cushions and the cups and making mental notes of the rooms and what was in them. Then I would leave in time to 'return' at the right time.

I don't know how long this went on for. I know that the truant officer (who ironically lived in the next road to ours) did visit our house.

I told this memory to mom some years ago. ....'you always were such an anxious child' she said.....and then laughingly she added 'did you not think to dust and hoover while you were there?'.

Friday, May 6, 2011

Extra pills.......and ducklings....

 Ma is home. Spent quite a few hours at the hospital yesterday waiting for a doctor to sign her out. Late in the afternoon they decided to do another blood test. If the result went one way she was staying in, and she truly had the vapours at the thought of another night in the ward. It was a long long hour waiting for the result.
After a doctor had caused a slight delay (the sister and I spent 30 minutes moving anything that wasnt nailed down in moms ward looking for her notes.......he had casually left them in another ward by mistake) he agreed to let her go home, with antibiotics and some water pills. At home we sat for another hour as I marked MORNING or NIGHT in big black pen on each pill box....all eleven of them. Ma has ARMD and is practically blind now so we needed to make sure she knew what she took and when.

Truth be told the hospital staff were brilliant. Care and consideration all the way. How lucky we are.

On the way home, driving through the countryside, I had to slow down as I turned a bend and there on the road in front of me, stood just like a crossing lady, was a duck. She waddled from foot to foot as 5 ducklings all in a line crossed in front of her like giddy children on a school trip out....................and then she changed  her  mind and decided to bring them back the other way.....all the while with cars stopping or slowing and lights being flashed as if to say 'take care, mother nature at work'. All the drivers were entranced and smiling and everyone was concerned that the duck and her family managed to cross the road safely, which she did.

This moment, and my day with ma seemed to marry and living it...with gratitude and care and a smile.

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

It has to come out somewhere I guess....

Dreamt I was saving swans last night. Only they were not white. They were 'duck' coloured.
I was up to my knees in canal water. I could feel the width and weight of the neck just under the head in my right hand as I held the body under my left arm.
I wanted to put the swan into safe water but didn't want to let go of holding it.
Did let go and then worried that the canal was a dead end......but a swan/duck doesn't need a neverending river does it?

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

on the up....

Ma is not diabetic. Getting better and better.
Maybe bring her home towards the end of the week???? sister, my brother in law, my son, my husband and my father are all having scans this month for various reasons...............good job I got a bike with a basket and a bell...if I get a little outfit I could pass for a district nurse....................................................

Thanks for all your good wishes and comments everybody, I don't need to tell you much about the people you 'meet' blogging, because I know that you all know how kind and supportive everybody is....and how much I appreciate you all. x


Mom is out of CCU.
She is on a ward and wants to come home.
They are doing a glucose check this morning as they think she may be diabetic.
Taking antibiotics for an infection.
She did look a sorry thing ... and she wants to come home.
I told her that they will boot her out as soon as they can to free up some beds so hopefully it won't be long until I can take her home....but that she is in the best place, with wonderful staff and care and attention.
Looking forward to bringing her out.

Thank you so so much for all your are good people...x.

Sunday, May 1, 2011


Took our daughter back to University today.
The sun shone.
We had a lovely day.
Later on we had lunch with family.
Lots of laughs and memories.
Left our beautiful daughter back at Halls and have now returned home.

Returned to a phone call from my dad who reluctantly told me that mom is in hospital....she had a 'small heart attack' last  night..........
she has fluid on her lungs.........
We spent all day saying 'oh mom and dad would love this...lets bring them up in a few weeks........'
Plans......put together a plan and make God laugh.

Twenty seven.

For now anyway.