see that previous post? that long listy thing? had to get my daughter to help me post it (at the beginning of blogging I vowed to become technologically able...never gonna happen...) and am not now sure that I like having posted it....I mean, what does a list like that say about a person? but then who cares? its my blog I guess and I can write what I like.....so another time I will elaborate on one or two of the points or even add some or subtract some (oh the power.. the power..its thrilling...)...for instance......ever stolen something? canoed? farted in public? been arrested? hand fed a squirrel?.....OK so thats only me then...will think of some others...or please feel free to join in....

This is just for fun. Here's a list of 99 things. Bold the ones you have done and post on your blog! =)

Started your own blog

Slept under the stars

Played in a band

Visited Hawaii

Watched a meteor shower

Given more than you can afford to charity

Been to Disneyland

Climbed a mountain

Held a praying mantis

Sang a solo

Bungee jumped

Visited Paris

Watched a lightening storm

Taught yourself an art from scratch

Adopted a child

Had food poisoning

Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty

Grown your own vegetables

Seen the Mona Lisa in France

Slept on an overnight train

Had a pillow fight

Hitch hiked

Taken a sick day when you’re not ill

Built a snow fort

Held a lamb

Gone skinny dipping

Run a Marathon

Ridden in a gondola in Venice

Seen a total eclipse

Watched a sunrise or sunset

Hit a home run

Been on a cruise

Seen Niagara Falls in person

Visited the birthplace of your ancestors

Seen an Amish community

Taught yourself a new language

Had enough money to be truly satisfied

Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person

Gone rock climbing

Seen Michelangelo’s David

Sung karaoke

Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt

Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant

Visited Africa

Walked on a beach by moonlight

Been transported in an ambulance

Had your portrait painted

Gone deep sea fishing

Seen the Sistine Chapel in person

Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris

Gone scuba diving or snorkeling

Kissed in the rain

Played in the mud

Gone to a drive-in theater

Been in a movie

Visited the Great Wall of China

Started a business

Taken a martial arts class

Visited Russia

Served at a soup kitchen

Sold Girl Scout Cookies

Gone whale watching

Got flowers for no reason

Donated blood, platelets or plasma

Gone sky diving

Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp

Bounced a check

Flown in a helicopter

Saved a favorite childhood toy

Visited the Lincoln Memorial

Eaten Caviar

Pieced a quilt

Stood in Times Square

Toured the Everglades

Been fired from a job

Seen the Changing of the Guards in London

Broken a bone

Been a passenger on a motorcycle

Seen the Grand Canyon in person

Published a book

Visited the Vatican

Bought a brand new car

Walked in Jerusalem

Had your picture in the newspaper

Kissed a stranger at midnight on New Year’s Eve

Visited the White House

Killed and prepared an animal for eating

Had chickenpox

Saved someone’s life

Sat on a jury

Met someone famous

Joined a book club

Got a tattoo

Had a baby

Seen the Alamo in person

Swam in the Great Salt Lake

Been involved in a law suit

Owned a cell phone

Been stung by a bee

FRIDAY.......AT LAST.

Want to be this age again. Wish I could go back and take different turns in the road. Know that I can't.......have had a 'bitter and twisted' type day today....started off with a bastard of a customer that just made me want to shout 'fuck off' to his face....followed on by two bone idle skiving colleagues who just leave the work to the rest of us and have no notion of 'team work'....it is also fucking cold in this house.....have just had a bowl of porridge for dinner as I can't be arsed to cook...if I were a few years younger I'd think I had pmt....but no its just me being a grumpy old lady....with no brooch or per una cardi in sight (that's for you Auntiegwen) and in fact looking at this pic of mum with me makes me smile and feel a bit better...and the porridge is kicking in 'cos I'm not so hungry and I might go and have a glass of wine (again...that's 3 nights in a row....)and today is nearly done and tomorrow is yet to come ...so God willing I will greet a new, happier tomorrow.

Saturday night....watching Revolutionary Road...never wanted to but am bored...quite into it now.......makes me want to 'leave messages' for my kids....have already written goodbye letters last year 'just in case'........maybe it is the 3 glasses of wine loosening me up but I wish I could make sure that when I am dead and gone my daughter will laugh when she remembers the whispering gallery in new york or the 'humming while playing with my food' story from Grandma and that my son will smile if he thinks about my sign language to him every time he drives away from the house and 'true colours'....I can't ensure anything.....I can't will the world to be a good place or the fates to give my kids health and happiness.......just keep putting one foot in front of the other and thanking my lucky, beautiful, stars

I spoke too soon......no gardening this weekend. I might just have to stay by the fire with the paper sipping on something just to keep me hydrated...sigh.......

Winter is on its way out and I need to weed the garden......

Excuse the poor quality of the photo (all the blogs I read seem to have amazing photographs) that you see here....

but this is a drawing that is stuck up on the inside of my wardrobe door....it is in fact a portrait of me that my lovely daughter did many years ago and now makes me smile every time I see it. I have, I admit, a terrible temper....I am what I call a 'fast, furious, shouty explosion of a temper and then...peace' person whereas my husband is a 'quiet, no argument, simmer and drag on and on and on for ever in a sulk' kind of person....perfectly suited there then are'nt we!! And when the kids were little we never thought that hitting our kids was ever an option (please don't judge me on this ...everyone has a different point of view, and smacking etc., was'nt something that I ever could countenance....) so at times our house was 'shouty and loud' or sulky but there was never any physicality.....and I know that behaviour like ours can be just as bad as a smack etc.,and tempting the fates here again, but our kids have turned out to be just the best....I know I'm biased here......and we laugh about the portrait now.....and it taught me to try and 'stop, breathe and calm down'.

Anyhoo....unhappily when my daughter did this portrait (unbidden I might say...) and then presented it to me I was saddened and shamed.....this gorgeuous little blonde thing saying 'this is what you look like when you shout'. Long story short the picture went up, to be seen daily, and it has served me well over many years....even the 'what the f..k is this all about' menopause years..

now long gone thank goodness....and reminds me every day not to be a bad tempered mum from hell.......just wish she had done something similar for her dad!!!!

This was the view as I came out of work about an hour ago....cold and icy but looking like there was something better on the horizon.......this is why I need a sunny holiday.....

I guess romance is not dead...yet...you see some months ago my friend gave me this hot water bottle as a gift...I did'nt think it was something I would ever use...but just recently, as usual, I was going to bed later than my husband (he is a very early riser/I faff about on the laptop in the evening) and discovered that he had put the hot water bottle just in the right place for me....so that when I initially got into my side of our (quite large) bed I would get warm 'but still snuggle up..the bottle was'nt a replacement for him'...

My dad (82 and quite a tall, well built chap) fell over this week......poor thing never usually falls and it has taken him by surprise and shaken him slightly....it has also given him a gash/bump just above his eye that bled quite badly at the time but now seems to be ok.
Spending some time with him yesterday was a curious 'normal' day that was tinged with me thinking things like ' he could have killed himself....one day he won't be here' and missing him so even though he was right in front of me...does that make sense??......
As I left my parents house I kissed and hugged them both as usual and really tried to remember how they felt and smelt and laughed....am I morbid?
ANYHOO....apropos my previous post and my list I have already made inroads into quite a few of the things listed.....had my longest serving best friend to stay on Friday night (drank too much and sat up till 1 talking..I know .....1 in the morning!!! ) and I have booked tickets for two gigs for later in the year.....

So.....it's the first day of a new month...and over recent days I have howled at the big bright moon (yes..something me and my daughter do...started out as something that made us laugh when she was little and now seems to be a 'womanly' thing that we just do....) and helped my big sister buy a new bed (and why, when I persuaded her to lie on it with me did I feel the need to say 'she's my sister' to the weird salesman?) and decided that this year I will endeavour to......

a) visit my big brother in Seattle

b) have a weekend away with my sister (other one) possibly Paris??

c) try really hard to be the friend I should be....not the shite sub standard one that I am

d)get to more concerts/exhibitions/whatnots

e)not give a fuck about the job, which I have to keep, and just dream on about winning the lottery

f) remember that as my recent mammagram result was good I should just 'thank the Lord and pass the whiskey' every bloody day

g) organise something nice for my big sisters 60th and my moms 80th

h) eat less crap

i) try to get on with my neighbour to the right...even though she has a face like a smacked arse

and an attitude

j) try to improve my marriage and get on better with my husband ......times are tough at the moment and there is a foggy shadowy distance between us sometimes.....always of my making..he deserves better possibly

k) pay attention....to the people in my life and also that little voice inside me that guides me

l) stop being such a jealous person...I am really ashamed of myself for this.....I COVET big time.

m) mooch about in charity shops..yes...........buy so much in charity shops....no

n) try to stop worrying ALL THE TIME...as my friend pointed out to me, in every old photo I am the one with the biting my lip and frowning face

o) try to be more tolerant and patient

p) realise that sometimes OCD is not a good comforting meditative thing but just me being a nit picking pain in the arse ..... the world will not end if the zips on the cushions are all showing or the labels on the towels are facing me.....

q) hug more

r) save??

s)clear this house of all the crap I have accumulated over the years .... HOARDING is just nonsense.

t) join a class?

u) rediscover the garden (literally....get stuck in and make it a good place to be)

v) accept that ..OK I have no career....I still have a mortgage...am embarrassed to meet old school friends and long lost family as I am a failure and a true example of mrs middle....middle aged , middle looking, middle ability to do anything and big ability to do fuck all well, but my family love me so I need to SHUT THE FUCK UP ....... SELF PITY IS SO VERY VERY UGLY

w) stop being so judgemental.

x) kiss my babies whenever I can.....babies no more but still my joy

y) learn from the blogs I read

z) ?????????